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The Grey Raven The script, for those times when it's hard to hear:Climbin in yo' windows, snatchin' yo' people up, it's the Princeton University Band!/n[Band marches onto the field playing Princeton Forward March.]/nHello Leopards,
Look at your band, now back to us, now back at your band, now back to us. Sadly, your band isn't us, but if your band stopped using maroon-scented body wash and switched to plaid, they could smell like they're us. Look down, back up, where are you? You're on a field with the band your band could smell like. What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it, it's an oyster with two passes to that club you love. Look again, the passes are now diamonds! Anything is possible when your band smells like a tiger and not a leper. I'm on a field. Do-do do do do do-do do./nForming two tickets to that thing you love, the Band plays Any Way You Want It.
[Band forms two tickets that turn into a diamond, plays "Any Way You Want It."]/nAntoine Dodson, of Bed Intruder fame, recently used the profits from selling his song on iTunes to purchase a new home that isn't in the projects, far away from people who are so dumb, who are really dumb, fo' real. The Band has discovered that many other YouTube stars have also used their notoriety and riches to change their lives for the better./n• The little girl who cried over Justin Bieber founded a Build-A-Bieber workshop.
• David After The Dentist penned his memoirs about the experience, which late became the movie Inception.
• Susan Boyle didn't know what to do with all her money so she ate it.
• Charle the Unicorn hired Ninja Cat as an assassin to take down those thieves that stole his kidney.
• Sassy Gay Friend stole Adam from Eve, ending the human race.
• The sneezing baby panda became a spokespanda for Claritin.
• Keyboard Cat and Hamster on a Piano went on tour together. The tour ended in tragedy when Keyboard Cat accidentally ate Hamster on a Piano.
• World of Warcraft freakout kid's life didn't actually get any better.
• The Powerthirst guy used the profits from the new flavor Manana to pay 400 ALIMONY PAYMENTS./nCongratulations if you didn't get any of those jokes -- you have a life. Saluting one of the most watched videos on You Tube, the Band forms a broken heart and plays "Bad Romance."
[Band forms a broken heart, plays "Never Gonna Give You Up."]/nHey Freshman! What, what, what are you doing? You've already wasted a huge chunk of your half-time watching YouTube videos. The Princeton University Band doesn't want you to squander your youth, so we've compiled a list of pro-tips on how to procrastinate more efficiently./n• Instead of playing flash games all the time, utilize Google Calendar to precisely manage your Robot Unicorn Attack sessions.
• Instead of honing your skills on the Frist piano, don't.
• Instead of sitting alone in the corner of your room, sit alone in the middle of someone else's room.
• Instead of having brief awkward conversations with strangers on the Street, have an extended, intimate conversation with a stranger on Chat Roulette.
• Instead of stalking people on Facebook, stalk them in real life. (pause) Hey Carol. I see you out there on the field. You're looking good today. See ya later.
• Instead of playing World of Warcraft, come to a Princeton University Band open rehearsal, Tuesdays at 4:30PM in the Woolworth Music Building.
• Instead of going to class, take a shower.
• Instead of doing your homework, take a shower.
• Instead of making friends, take a shower./nCelebrating the most time consuming activity of college students, the band forms a shower caddy and plays a tribute to Michael Jackson.
[Band forms shower caddy, plays "Beat It."]/nRun Away Band, I think you have too many shoes! Shut up!

Tags: family education